Impact

“And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.”
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭12‬:‭11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

How do you respond in those moments that you know have changed you, shaped you, and left you feeling like your life will forever be different from that point? I am realizing this is one of those defining moments for me.

I am feeling reflective this morning and while I am grateful for the time to rest, I miss community. I miss the purpose I felt I had everyday at my job. I worked hard to attain my promotion and the level of skill that I had acquired to do it and the trust that I had worked to build with my team. I miss them. I miss the challenge of doing a job that sometimes felt like it may take me under with the weight of it. But then, finishing a week and looking back realizing what we had been able to accomplish.together felt so fulfilling!

I am now 3 months into a still undiagnosed chronic illness. Symptoms are progressing, as are the list of specialists I see and the number of diagnostic tests ordered by each, but I have yet to receive any definitive answers at this point. How is that possible in today's advanced medicine?.

I am realizing today that I am unable to leave this season unchanged. The magnitude of what has happened during this time will forever impact me moving forward. What knowledge will I be taking with me from this season? Did I spend my time well? Will I look back and wonder if I should have spent it differently? Will I regret sharing so much? Did I really help anyone? Did it help me?

I still don't know how much longer I'll be in this waiting room. Every once in a while though, I feel this sense of urgency to get certain tasks done "just in case". I don't know if it's a morbid fear or if it just helps me rest better to know I have some important things in order. My mom recently commented how quickly I had gotten the podcast, book, and website released. Those are the types of urgent things I mean. Again, I don't know why it feels so pressed to get them out..

Maybe it's all in my mind. Or maybe it's for someone I'll never meet, needing to hear a message or read a word of hope. If that's you, that would make this whole thing worth it. That's honestly what I tell myself. Someone, somewhere needs to hear my story.

I think that's true for all of us. That's what helps us keep going. It's how we learn to feel connected, feel less weird, find friends, discover hope. Your story might just be the inspiration someone else needs to hear to know that they are not alone. While every story is not appropriate to be shared on every platform (please use your judgment and discernment), also realize that there is true connection and victory be gained in the vulnerability of disclosure and finding common ground.

Hopefully what has been poured out today will fill someone's cup and in return, be passed along to another.